Standard (EADGBE)

As Martin said to Xanthe

As they played with wooden toys,

"You may have Wendy's playhouse,

But where the hell's your boys?"

As Paul said to Fifi

As they eyed each other up,

"You may have better plimsolls,

But you can't pee standing up."

An I'd like to take the time to bite

Their neck and make it bleed

Or maybe I could cut holes in their

Daddy Harris Tweed.

And I can't put my finger on it.

Maybe it's something in the food,

And I can't put my finger on it

All I know is Christ would have sued.

As Sharon said to Jamie

As they sat down for a chat,

"If you think I'm cooking dinner,

Well, prepare to eat dead rat."

As Debbie said to Alex

As they held hands in the park

"How come you wear Rupert Check

When you think you're so hard."

I should have done his Land Rover

To let them know I've been,

Instead I wrote "F' off"

On the dirt across his screen.

And I can't put my finger on it.

Maybe it's something in the food,

And I can't put my finger on it

All I know is Christ would have sued.