Standard (EADGBE)

Verse 1

Uncle Vernon, Uncle Vernon,

Inde-pendent as a hog on ice.

He's a big-shot, down there at the slaughterhouse,

Plays ac-cordion for Mis-ter Weiss.

Verse 2

Uncle Biltmore, and Uncle William,

Made a million during World War II.

But they're tightwads, and they're cheapskates,

And they'll never give a dime to you.

Interlude

Verse 3

Auntie Mame has gone in-sane; she lives,

In the doorway of an old ho-tel.

And the radio,

Is playing opera,

All she ever says is; "go to Hell".

Verse 4

Uncle Violet, flew as pilot,

And there ain't no pretty girls in France.

Now he runs a tiny little bookie joint;

They say he never keeps it in his pants.

Verse 5

Uncle Bill will never leave a will,

And the tumour is as big as an egg.

Has a mistress; she's Puerto Rican,

And I heard she has a woo-den leg.

Interlude

Verse 6

Uncle Phil can't live without his pills;

He has emphy-sema and he's almost blind.

And we must find out where the money is,

Get it now, before he loses his mind.

Verse 7

Uncle Vernon, Uncle Vernon,

Inde-pendent as a hog on ice.

He's a big-shot, down there at the slaughterhouse,

Plays ac-cordion for Mis-ter Weiss.

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