Standard (EADGBE)

Verse 1

I turned on the old dot com machine

Found a chat room for horny young teens

Found a little lover she was thirteen

Love blooms on the dot com machine

Verse 2

I told her I was a handsome young boy

Born and raised in Southern Illinois

I make good grades I’m on the football team

I poured my heart to the dot com machine

Verse 3

She was from Australia and likes porno flicks

All her past boyfriends were arrogant pricks

She was from the outback so calm and serene

She poured her heart to the dot com machine

Verse 4

I told her I wanted to meet her somewhere

I’d fly her out here or I’d fly out there

She agreed to meet it was like a dream

We poured our hearts to the dot com machine

Verse 5

I landed in Melbourne nervous and scared

I wondered what she thought when she saw me there

Fat and bald and far from sixteen

A liar and pervert on the dot com machine

Verse 6

I walked around the airport till I felt stood up

Then I saw a sign saying “SOUTHERN ILLINOIS STUD”

There was my lover standing there

Sucking a lollipop and twirling her hair

Verse 7

We laughed and we giggled like horny teens will

Then she took me to a motel to give me my fill

She went in the bathroom to fix her hair

She told me not to go anywhere

Verse 8

I took off my belt and got my britches undone

From the bathroom came cops and there guns

They put me on the carpet and they put me in the cuffs

They read me my rights and all of that stuff

Verse 9

They took me to jail and they took me to court

My name was slandered in all the reports

The thirteen year old I was aiming to pop

A twenty five year old undercover cop