Benny Hill - Ernie The Fastest Milkman In The West Chords

 
         
         
         
         
         
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No chord
    
Standard guitar tuning:
E
A
D
G
B
E
No capo
You could Chear the hoof beats pound as they raced across the ground, Am And the rattle of the wheels as they went 'round and 'round. And he Fgalloped into Market Street, his badge upon his chest, His name was GErnie, and he drove the fastest milk cart in the Cwest. Now CErnie loved a widow, a lady known as Sue, She lived Amall alone in Lily Lane at number 22. They Fsaid she was too good for him, she was haughty, proud and chic, But GErnie had his cocoa there three times every Cweek. They called him CErnie, (AmErnie), And he Fdrove the fastest Gmilk cart in the Cwest. She Csaid she'd like to bathe in milk, he said, "All right, sweetheart," And Amwhen he'd finished work that night he loaded up the cart. He Fsaid, "D'you want it pasteurized? 'Cause pasteurized is best," She says, "GErnie, I'll be happy if it comes up to my Cchest." That tickled old CErnie, (AmErnie), And he Fdrove the fastest Gmilk cart in the Cwest.

B A

Now CErnie had a rival, an evil-looking man, Called AmTwo-Ton Ted from Teddington and he drove the baker's van. He Ftempted her with his treacle tarts and his tasty wholemeal bread, And when she Gseen the size of his hot meat pies it very near turned her Chead. He Cwent on the make with his Dundee cake and he said, "If you treat me right, You'll have Amhot rolls every morning and crumpets every night." He Fknew once she'd seen his macaroons he'd have his wicked way, And all GErnie had to offer was a pint of milk a Cday. Poor CErnie, (AmErnie), And he Fdrove the fastest Gmilk cart in the Cwest. One Clunch time Ted saw Ernie's horse and cart outside her door, It Amdrove him mad to see it was still there at half past four. And as he Fleapt down from his van hot blood through his veins did course, And he Gwent across to Ernie's cart and didn't half kick his C'orse. Whose name was CTrigger, (AmTrigger), And he Fpulled the fastest Gmilk cart in the Cwest. Now CErnie ran out into the street with his gold top in his hand, He Amsaid, "If you wanna marry Susie you'll fight for her like a man." "Oh Fwhy don't we play cards for her?" he sneeringly replied, "And Gjust to make it interesting we'll have a shilling on the Cside." Now CErnie dragged him from his van and beneath the blazing sun, They Amstood there face to face, and Ted went for his bun. But FErnie was too quick for him, things didn't go the way Ted planned, And a Gstrawberry-flavoured yogurt sent it spinning from his Chand. Now CSue, she came between them and she tried to keep them apart, And a Amthree-day-old rock cake caught Ernie underneath the heart. As he Fdoubled up in agony, the concrete hardened crust Of a Gstale meat pie caught him in the eye and Ernie bit the Cdust. Poor CErnie, (AmErnie), And he Fdrove the fastest Gmilk cart in the Cwest. C Ernie was only 68, he didn't wanna die, Now he's Amgone to make deliveries in that milk round in the sky. Where the Fcustomers are angels and ferocious dogs are banned, And a Gmilkman's life is full of fun in that fairy, dairy Cland. But a Cwoman's needs are many fold and Sue, she married Ted, But Amstrange things happened on their wedding night as they lay in their bed. Was Fthat the rustle of the leaves? Or the creaking of the gate? Or GErnie's ghostly gold tops a-rattling in their Ccrate? They won't forget CErnie, (AmErnie), And he Fdrove the fastest Gmilk cart in the Cwest.

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